lost a gem

How badly I'm affected by the death of Sushant!

Life is unfair I would say. While typing this I can assure you my fingers are practically trembling, my body is getting numb and my heart is at stake.

A self made actor Sushant-

Sushant, an intellectual, talented actor, hardworking, fanatic; passionate about everything he did, optimistic who always had a positive insight on life and last but not the least he was an ardent reader is just a memory now. He was humble, kind and a good listener. He was someone hated by few. He never failed to impress us

be it with his acting skill, with his attractive smile, his unusual voice or his humbleness towards his fan followers that he never let the comments of his followers go unnoticed. Starting his career as Manav, the main lead protagonist of the show 'Pavitra Rishta' aired on Zee TV left such an unerasable impression on our hearts. I struggled not to miss any of his episodes and fortunately it was worth struggling. His smiling face made my day. I was a die hard fan and still I'm.

I'm shattered to find this vibrant man full of life, departing from us suddenly without leaving any sign that could make us believe that it was actually 'a suicide'. The imprints he left for us is highly cherishable and needed to be followed up.

It's been reportedly said that he killed himself but I'm finding it difficult to convince my heart. This is heart wrenching.

Hailing from the district Purnia, Bihar, from a middle class family, in no time he'd reached such a height through his determination, dedication and hard work at the age of 34 that it was almost impossible for others to be in the same height of success that he shared. Being the only son to his family, the most loved one,not only he brought a huge success and fame to his family, he brought satisfaction to us and made it clear that only a starkid couldn't be a successful actor. Hard work, talent and dedication can make anyone a succesful actor. Losing his mother at a tender age he was deeply affected. We could find the trace of his agony in his posts posted on Instagram. He would write beautiful poems for his mom. After his mother, his father was everything to him and the news of his death took every bit of happiness away from his family, he's lying unconscious in hospital now. Life has taken toll upon his family.

The state of despair, depression creates in our lives is hardly traceable. Until you suffer it's hard for you to even guess what intense impact depression can leave on your soul, on your life. Under depression people misinterpreted your thoughts, judgement shouldn't be the sudden outcome. You never know what the other person is going through. They notice the change in your behavior but never they try to have an insight why the change has been inculcated in you. They never do, it hurts. Everyone is fighting a silent battle I believe. Speak up to avoid the misery. People often become aggressive while being attacked by depression. Don't misjudge them, shower them love, speak to them, do your part. Trust me it makes a huge difference. It's really devastating to keep holding your emotions. Let it be out of our body, your soul. Let your soul breath 'peace' and you'll be less vulnerable to the world.

He's the only actor I followed and adored. I'm really disheartened to know the sudden demise of my most favorite one. The journey he started towards the world of television from Pavitra Rishta, his acting convinced everyone to be his fan. I and mom used to watch the show just because of him. I can't believe he did this. The void created by his departure will never be filled.

I'm in loss of words to express my deep grievance for his untimely death. Though Im shattered but I'm not going to defend him for the Injustice he did to himself and to his huge fan followers including me who neither can cry nor hold the emotions. Ughh!

Sushant seemed to us an introvert. He was fighting depression and a person loses his deciding ability under the attack of depression. Everything seems so small and for them and they consider death to the ultimate resolution. The head is loaded with so much emotions that becomes intolerable and a person gives up, similarly to the situation where you've been tied up to a chair for weeks and finally after weeks you're discovered with a ray of hope. Let say the window 'a ray of hope' is 'a window' here that all of a sudden you decide to jump without caring much what would happen next, you may end up breaking parts of your body or even you can lose your life. In such situation you even forget that you're a source of inspiration for someone, you're ason, you're a fighter, you're a brother, you're a friend. The burden of rope seems to you so heavy that it makes you forget everything for a moment and convince you to jump. But jump isn't the solution, you could have figured out some other solution or you could use the rope as a source of ladder that could take you to the ground safely. But you lose the ability. Depression is not a day made. It takes a longer time to turn your feelings into id- the constant struggle between your ego and super ego.

I feel suicide isn't the solution to your solution. It shatters the lives of your loved ones. Such an intellectual personality he was! An ardent reader. Reading broadens the analytical capability and make people more pragmatic and strong towards life. I repeat, an ardent reader, but he couldn't make the use of it. Such an Irony!

A half of me is dead inside.

I'm broken. There is a less to type, im finding difficulty to express what's going inside my mind. I'm shivering and there's a sudden withdrawal of emotions next followed by the grief of losing Sushant. Finding difficulty to cope up with the situation. I don't watch movies, but it's that i have watched all of his movies. The feeling of the untimely demise of someone I loved had deeply saddened me. The suppressed emotion inside my head is struggling to burst out and finding no way out it's becoming more intense. We've lost a gem. You'll be forever missed. You'll be always in my heart and prayers. Long live Sushant.

Is it dragging me towards depression again?